No rest for the wicked

I've had to work some long hours this week, and last night I also dreamed that I had to work really late. In my dream, I was in a high-rise office building, which was mostly dark by the time I got ready to leave. As I stepped off the elevator in the lobby, the only person around was the guy at the security desk, and I could see that it was dark outside. I walked to the car in the pouring rain, turned on the ignition, and pointed Dorian toward the house.

That's when my alarm clock went off, letting me know that it was time to get up and go to work. I feel cheated, like I didn't get to rest at all.

Dawn's early light

Act I

[6:30am CST]

Co-worker: [from a cubicle in the next row] Who's that I hear rustling around? Who's crazy enough to be here at this time of the morning?
Foo: It's just me.
Co-worker: What are you doing here so early?
Foo: I've been here this early for about 14 years.
Co-worker: That's just crazy.
Foo: Think about that, the next time you consider dragging me into a meeting at 4:00. It could be just the thing to push me over the edge. You've seen CSI. You know how unstable we crazy people can be.

Act II

Co-worker (a different one): There's no toilet paper in the men's room! And the soap dispensers are all empty! What the hell?
Foo: Please stop touching my cubicle.

A matter of perspective

You know the economy is in the toilet when…

• The boss calls your team in for an emergency meeting.
• He prefaces his remarks with something like, “Well, I have some Bad News. I know this is something you're not going to want to hear, but…”
• He then proceeds to announce that there will be no raises this year.
• You're not only not surprised, but you realize that, under the circumstances, it doesn't even seem that much like Bad News.

The first Monday of 2009

6:05am, and I'm in a little earlier than usual, thanks to a 4:57 wake-up call that came in the form of a cat throwing up a hairball all over the afghan under which Turtle was sleeping.

It's probably just as well that I got an early start, though. By the time we went to bed last night, the local news outlets were already whipping themselves into a lather about the potential for rain – and not just rain, but (oh my stars and garters!) freezing rain. My years in Texas have taught me that the more certain the weather people are that we're going to get all slick and crashy, the less likely we are to suffer any real meteorological chaos. But the majority of morning commuters don't know that, so I'll just be grateful that I didn't have to contend with their elevated anxiety on the way in this morning.

Coffee's probably ready, by now. I'm out.

Gone in 60 seconds

In a sweetly magnanimous holiday gesture toward my friends and/or coworkers, Turtle sent goodies to work with me today. She lined an 11"x14" cake pan with festive tissue paper and packed it with an assortment of snickerdoodles, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, peppermint fudge, cranberry bread, and (the infamous) cinnamon popcorn. She gave me clear instructions regarding the manner in which these treats were to be distributed, noting that there wasn't enough for everyone.

So I rolled in at 6:20 and promptly fired off an email to any and every one at this place with whom I've ever had a remotely agreeable conversation, inviting them to come and avail themselves of my wife's largesse. Then, I sat back and waited to greet my holiday visitors.

By 10:00, only a handful of people had partaken – mostly after I'd corralled them in the halls – and each of them made a show of daintily picking out a single cookie or half a slice of cranberry bread. Finally, fearing that I might have to take the lot home with me, I placed the pan in the kitchen area for the general populace. I stopped at the men's room, after which I passed by the kitchen on the way back to my cubicle.

Half the pan had been emptied. One startled coworker was standing over the pan, cheeks full, with an expression on his face that I haven't seen since the time I was camping caught a family of raccoons raiding my cooler. He was one of the guys who had been on my original list of invitees.

Apparently, Christmas goodies are much more attractive when they can be eaten anonymously.

Weekend update

By this time last week, I'd packed up my desktop workstation, my technical books, and the rest of the contents of my cubicle. Unseen hands and backs were conveying these things to a new location about five miles down the road, in colorful plastic rental crates that smelled faintly of orange cleaner.

Based on the tour of the facilities that we'd received a couple months ago, I wasn't feeling optimistic. We were going from two floors to a small portion of one floor. The cubicles we were shown would be the same 6'x8' to which we were downsized in the last move, but the cubicles would be closer together. Along with various arbitrary-seeming restrictions, the prospect of being packed in with loud-talking groups like customer support and marketing convinced me that this move would be yet another turn in the downward spiral our work conditions have taken since 2005.

This week, I'm feeling much better about the situation. After a predictably loud and chaotic Monday, when everyone scrambled to get unpacked and resolve network connectivity issues, things calmed down quickly. To my surprise, it has actually been quieter in the new workplace. Part of this is due to the staggered work schedule that has split up some of the groups more prone to standing around and yukking it up; but I think that because we're all in cubes now and so close together, people are generally more aware of their volume levels. This is a Good Thing™. We were also pleased to discover that our 6'x8' cubes had magically expanded to 8'x8' (the company's standard size for developers). You wouldn't think that two feet one way or the other would amount to much, but it's significant when you've got a second computer and monitor taking up about two feet of space at one end of the desktop.

The facilities people at the new place have been stellar. One guy in particular has been running non stop since we got there, doing his best to get us everything we need to make ourselves at home. He's even promised to work on rebalancing the heating/cooling vents so that those of us who tend to be cold natured aren't freezing all the time.

Now playing: Queens of the Stoneage, Songs For The Deaf

Mushroom, mushroom

It's 6:50am and I've been at my desk, working, since twenty past six. Only one or two others are here this early, and they're elsewhere on the floor. It's very quiet, and only every third or fourth ceiling fixture is lit. It's very peaceful.

I hear someone get off the elevator, talking loudly on her cell phone and jingling her keys. I hear the noisy flip-flap of sandaled feet approaching from behind.

Coworker: What are you doing sitting in the dark?
Foo: I'm not sitting in the dark.
Coworker: Sure you are. The lights are off.
Foo: Ah… you have infravision. Impressive.
Coworker: Infra what?
Foo: Infravision. You can see in the dark. That's how you saw me with the lights off, right?
Coworker: Oh… well, not all the lights. Some of the lights are on.
Foo: Ah.
Coworker: How can you see what you're doing?
Foo: I'm a touch typist. And see how this magic picture frame glows?
Coworker: …
Foo: My monitor.

Her cell phone bursts into a raucous, fully-orchestrated rendition of “Celebrate” (the Kool & the Gang one; not the Three Dog Night one). She looks relieved.

Coworker: Oopsie! Gotta go!

She jangles off, talking loudly, apparently to herself (ah, bluetooth). There's a loud “CLACK!” as she slaps the entire bank of light switches. Several dozens of harsh fluorescent tubes flare to life, and I feel a little like an escaping convict pinned by a searchlight's beam.

In ten minutes, if no one else walks through the area, the motion detection system will turn off the excess lighting. If I'm lucky.

Yarrr! (A Timely Apparition)

I arrived at the office this morning, docked my laptop, and booted up the coffee pot. I had barely begun pulling down the day's latest code changes when I heard a noise – kind of a creaking screech, and only once. About 15 seconds passed before I heard it again.

Great, I thought. The A/C system's about to start making a racket again.

The third time, I stood up to try and locate the source of the sound. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed some movement over at the window and stared in disbelief at the parrot staring back at me. A parrot, sitting on the narrow lip outside the window of my office building.

Inconceivable!

You just don't get a lot of that sort of thing in Frisco, so I grabbed my phone/camera and snapped a couple shots. They didn't come out particularly well, what with the glare from the fluorescent lights inside; but it's kind of a moot point since I don't subscribe to the value-added phone service that would allow me to upload them to this blog. However, thanks to Google, I was able to browse parrot pictures until I found a couple that looked like “my” parrot. As near as I can tell, he's a Jenday Conure and looks very much like this one.

By the time I'd ID'ed my little friend, he'd flown off. Later still, I recalled hearing somewhere that today is annual Talk Like A Pirate Day. How cool would it have been if I'd been able to make contact with my little friend and get him/her to ride around on my shoulder while I squinted one eye and announced to anyone within earshot, “Yarrrr! I'm a software pirate!”

Yes, there's a special place in heaven waiting for long-suffering bride as a reward for putting up with me.

Now playing: Zero7, Simple Things

Offered reprieve, a concerned laborer exhales

At around 1pm today, I received an e-mail with an offer of employment. Same salary, slightly reduced job title.

I guess I didn't realize how unsure I really felt about my future, because I actually got choked up when the letter came.

Thanks again for all your prayers and support. Maybe I'll type aloud the name of my new employer, once I know how the company feels about this whole blogging thing. I've heard that some companies actually encourage it (but none I've ever worked for).

They like me! They really like me!

Okay, maybe that's overstating things just a bit, but I received an e-mail this morning from my manager that brightened my day. He says that I, along with the rest of my immediate project team, will not be among those to be laid off. I don't have any other details, since I've been off this week, trying to burn some floating holidays that I'll lose if I don't use them in a hurry. But knowing that I'm not about to become an unemployment statistic does a lot to settle my nerves.

Your prayers are working. Thank you.