26 September, 2006

The Old Crown Challenge

One of my 'bent buddies, who goes by the nom du gear [sic] "FlyingLaZBoy", passed along this link and made me ashamed to be associated with every ride report I've ever written. If you aren't interested in bicycles generally nor in recumbents specifically, you may not care. If your eyes glaze over at the thought of Shakespearean prose and you once had a brain aneurism after your latest good-intentioned run at the KJV Bible, you'll probably want to move along to some post about monkeys whacking a politician about the head and neck with wooden mallets (I'll be along later).
I 1 And it did come to pass, that on the nth day (no-one is quite sure which, but most theologians tend towards Thursday), the Lord did look down upon the Earth, and saw that it was flat, and really not very interesting. So he did cause parts of the Earth to rise up into the firmament. And the Children of the Lord did name the lumpy bits in the middle of northern England "the Pennines". And the Lord looked upon His work, and saw that it was good.

2 And in the evening did the Lord slump down in His favourite armchair, and did plant His feet upon His coffee table, and did scratch His balding bonce, and He did read the part of the Manual pertaining to the causing of the Children of the Lord to invent Things. And thus it did come to pass that the Children of the Lord did invent the recumbent. And the Lord looked upon His work, and saw that it was good.
Link

If this tickles your Monty Python schtick, do follow the link and read the whole magilla. Which is not, technically, a synonym for "entertaining ride report"—but it will do. 'Twill serve.

24 September, 2006

Like a bad penny

That's what one of the women called me when I showed up for yesterday's club ride.

"I thought we'd chased you off, since you haven't come around for, like, a couple months."

Her tone didn't register "curses, foiled again" between the lines, so I decided to take her overestimation of the time as meaning that the regulars on the ride had noted my absence and that I'd been missed.

"Actually, it's only been five weeks," I said, mentally counting back to the weekend before this year's Hotter Than Hell. "I was off growing new skin, doing a few rides I hadn't been on for a while. Had a great time fighting the wind on the Cotton Patch Classic, last weekend."

"Oh, you mean like today," she said. The wind whipped her hair across her face and she paused to pick a strand out of her mouth.

"Sort of." I watched the heavy black clouds zooming along at a pace that suggested Mother Nature had her thumb on the fast forward button. "Not so much threat of a Biblical downpour, last weekend."

The clouds had a silver lining, of course. Only about a dozen people had shown up for the ride, either fearing rain or not relishing the thought of battling the 18-29 mph wind. This was good, because it meant I wouldn't have to hang off the back to keep from getting caught up in a tightly-packed mob again.

The trip north was big fun with the wind at our backs. As we came through Allen along one of the highway frontage roads, I glanced at my computer ("digital speedometer thingy" to you non-cyclists) and saw that we were doing 25+ mph—and I was soft-pedaling!

In McKinney, we were warned by a police officer in an unmarked car after doing a rolling stop at one empty intersection. On the other side of McKinney, we were cursed energetically by a motorist unhappy with having to wait behind the group as we came to a full stop at an intersection, waited our turn, and crossed two at a time.

Heading south into Plano again, we enjoyed the challenge of climbing some of the steepest hills in the area into the same wind that made for such a quick trip out. I came within two bpm of my maximum heart rate in that section but still out-climbed three quarters of the group.

We ended up cutting the route to about 30 miles when the temperature started to drop and we started hearing some rumbling, so we made it back before the brief downpour started. It was a good ride, making up in fun what it lacked in distance.

I was waiting in line at Einstein's, afterward, and the two 20-something men in front of me started asking questions: Were we just getting back, or heading out? How far did we ride? Were we training for some kind of event? I explained that we'd just gotten back from a 30-mile ride, that we usually rode 45-50 miles, and that we weren't training for anything specific.

"Really?" he said. "You're riding just for the heck of it? That's wild."

They then explained that they'd just finished a training run in preparation for a marathon in December. I grinned, as this provided 100% of my minimum adult daily requirement for irony.

"Sounds like a lot of work," I said.


Now playing: Nickelback, All The Right Reasons

22 September, 2006

Highly motivated

It's spreading as quickly as a STD among Paris Hilton's boyfriends: the Motivator. When I saw Gwynne playing with it over on her blog, I had to have a go, too.

Get Bent

Post scriptum

I almost feel sorry for Keven, who sent me the spam entitled "defecate and squander". Maybe I should make up a motivational poster for him. You don't want to know the image I'd use, but it would probably tie in to this post rather nicely.

And in a perfect example of how honesty and optimism can be the main ingredients in a recipe for failure, we have Randy Gross, who suggests "Lets hook up tonight". Randy and Gross? As if.

16 September, 2006

Ride Report: Cotton Patch Classic (Greenville, TX)

The Cotton Patch Classic is one of those rallies that seem to largely depend upon word of mouth and reviews on sites like Bicycle-Stuff.com to get the word out, so it's not surprising that I hadn't heard of this ride until a couple months ago, when a riding companion gave me his glowing recommendation. I was initially skeptical, as the ride's web site is a bit sparse, providing registration information, route maps, and start time—but practically nothing about the Rally Round Greenville Celebration festivities that would be part of the experience. The map showing ride day parking scattered throughout downtown Greenville just shouted "CHAOS!", but I sent in my entry fee and waiver and made my plans to attend.

Greenville is between 45 minutes' and an hour's drive from my home, depending on who's driving. One of the nice things the CPC folks did for those of us who would travel from the Dallas area was to provide packet pick-up sessions at a couple local bike shops a few days before the rally. One of these was my own shop of choice, on my way home from work, so I just stopped by on Thursday to pick up my numer tag, map, and t-shirt. Having my number pinned to my seat bag before I ever left the house for Greenville this morning and not having to mess with packet pick-up when I got there was a thing of beauty.

I mentioned my concern about finding parking, but the CPC organizers had that figured out, as well. As I approached the downtown area on highway 380, a volunteer with a walkie-talkie and a flashlight flagged me down and directed me down the proper street to the next volunteer with a walkie-talkie and a flashlight—and so on. Within minutes, I was safely parked next to a bunch of racer boyz who were cranking techno music and debating which was better: depilatory cream or a razor.

It was a few minutes before 7:00 and I didn't have to pick up my packet, so I had plenty of time to unload and assemble my bike (I load it all in the back of my car if I have to drive more than 20 miles or so), apply sun screen, etc. By 7:30, I'd exited one of the provided porta johns and headed for the staging area provided for those of us riding the tour routes. The racers were being staged at another corner of the town square.

With time to kill, I spotted a couple people I know from the local bike clubs and just enjoyed socializing until a few minutes before 8:00, when I headed toward the rear third of the group. After my experience with a mass start at the Tour de Paris, I was hoping that by hanging out more toward the back I might find a little more room to ride during the first five miles. As it turned out, this start of 800+ people (I saw tag number 885, but there may have been higher) didn't stay clumped up long, so even that was a pleasant surprise.

Within a mile of the start, I'd spotted Raymond and Judy, a couple I met a couple weekends ago on a local club ride, riding with Dave, who was part of the small pack of recumbents I rode with for a while during the Collin Classic. I tucked in to make an even four, and we were having a good old time for about a mile.

"GLASS!!" I yelled, as I picked my way through the remains of a discarded Smirnoff Ice bottle.

"Pf-SSssssSSSsssst!" Dave's rear tire responded, as he rode right through the shards.

The first tube change took 10 minutes, and we made it about 25 yards before beginning the second. Judy and I had very carefully checked the tire for glass and hadn't found anything that might cause another flat, but with a second opportunity to take a look, we discovered a 3/8" cut in the tire. The four of us decided that this must've been big enough so that the new tube bulged out through it and flatted, so we applied a tire patch to the inside of the tire and booted it with a dollar bill. Dave didn't have another tube, but since I carry two and just happen to be one of the relatively few people who would carry the 650c tube he needed, we were all set. Karma cooperated by sending us the Plano Cycling & Fitness SAG wagon, so I was able to replace my tube. Just to keep the karma positive, I pressed a five-dollar bill into Jesse's hand (yes, I know the names of the PC&C employees).

Jesse pointed out that the shop doesn't charge people for tubes on rides like this. I pointed out that I appreciate the amount of time and expense the shop devotes to supporting charity rallies and that it made me feel good to know I was one of the few people who would ever consider paying for a tube. It's rare to catch Jesse without a smile on his face, but my comment got a real face splitter out of him.

Half an hour after the first puncture, we were back on our way. By then, even the woman who got a late start towing a baby trailer and shepherding a little boy on a bike with 10" wheels had passed us. We weren't going out of our way to make up time, but with a bit of a tailwind and all that clear air to ride in, we averaged over 18 mph for the first twenty miles and had begun to pass some stragglers. We just rode our ride, enjoying each other's company and the beautiful countryside.

I was enjoying the tail wind and taking in the rural sights when Raymond pulled up short after noticing his rear wheel was wobbling.

Fifteen or twenty minutes later, Raymond and David had kludged the errant spoke back into the rim. At this point, we had a group meeting. We could either go ahead with our plan to ride the 63-mile route, climb the Leonard hills, get our metric, and never see another rider; or we could go a little shorter, ride the 54-mile route, and make it back to Greenville before all the smoothies and pizza were gone. Hmm... 54 miles won out, the ayes unanimous. When we got to Leonard, we turned east toward Bailey (map), skipping the gnarly hills and gaining about 7 miles on the 63-milers.

It turned out we'd made the right choice. Between the stiff south headwind, the long string of Escher rollers,* and (most significantly) the cramps that Dave was fighting with 15 miles to go, we were glad for a little less challenge and a lot more fun. The notorious Leonard hills will still be there next year, and taking the "shortcut" meant we ended up on the same rest stop schedule as Lancenotstrong, Allez, and Allez' husband—so I got to have some nice little visits with them.

When we arrived back in downtown Greenville, the party was in full swing. There were go kart races, all sorts of awnings sheltering people selling who knows what, top fuel dragsters and antique Fords on display, live music, and... oh yes: strawberry smoothies. And plenty of pizza. We chose to sit around a table and chat instead of indulging in all the happy chaos, but there was a great vibe in the air that capped off the day quite nicely.

I've mentally added the Cotton Patch Classic to my 2007 calendar.

* This expression is the result of a conversation I had with another rider, who wondered aloud, "How can we just keep going up without ever coming down?" I observed that I'd been on routes where I'd thought the same thing and that it was like riding in an Escher print.

14 September, 2006

Pseudo random Thursday

This morning, in keeping with the random acts of kindness theme of yesterday's When butterflies attack The butterfly effect posting, I did some paying forward of my own. Over the past week or so, I've started seeing a cyclist who seems to be on the same morning commute schedule as I am. It's not Suicide Boy. This guy is riding a racing bike with head and tail lights, wearing the de rigeur lycra clown suit, and traveling at just under 25 mph, so he's obviously no rank beginner.

I question the wisdom of riding through a single-lane construction zone in the dark, but if you're going to do it, doing it at 25 mph will probably keep you alive longer than doing it at 10 mph. And yet, as I found myself behind him I was rather alarmed to note that his taillight wasn't really visible until I'd gotten to within about 15 yards of him. If I hadn't seen him come through the intersection before I turned on to the street behind him, I might not have noticed him until it was too late. So, when we both had to stop at a red light, I eased up next to where he had pulled off to let the long string of cars pass, rolled down the passenger side window, and tried to get his attention.

"Dude!" I yelled, half awake and unable to think of some more intelligent greeting. "Hey dude!"

He turned, warily, and looked at me.

"Uh... you probably want to stick some fresh batteries in your blinky. I couldn't see you until I was almost on your wheel, and I was looking for you."

"Really?" he said and seemed genuinely alarmed. "I'll stop somewhere on the way. Thanks."

Pay it forward... dude.

September searches

For once, I've got a few that are, if not as hilarious as some of yours, at least mildly entertaining:
  • mute the misfire How many times have I got to explain that I'm lactose intolerant? It's a medical condition.
  • wwf thanksgiving 2005 pie fight Sounds a whole lot more interesting than a couple shiny, half-nekkid guys bludgeoning one another with folding chairs.
  • random rash on the upper forearm So, what? It moves around from one day to the next?
  • midriatics How the heck did that get in there? I don't even know what that word means (belatedly, "drugs that dilate the pupil"), so as with Susie's making me #1 on the fr@uterism search engine hit parade, I blame one of you guys.
  • ez rider magazine Sorry, but I think that's a whole 'nother kind of biker.

It's only 10 o'clock...

...so how can I be hungry for lunch already??

[For those playing at home, that was the one truly random bit. -Foo]

Spamatazoa

  • BIG PLANT STATE from Hoodia Weightless Yahoo Serious' cousin, I presume?
  • Don't think youth can't be returned from Juana French Ya-wanna?
  • don't be cooped up from Mandy H. Bender There's gonna be a jailbreak
  • ru ready from Windy Knight [self censored]
  • Great CAVERNOUS from Artichoke There's a joke in there somewhere... ere... ere... ere... ACK!


Now playing: Mazzy Star, So Tonight That I Might See

Recumbents are s-l-o-w. Right?

Not. All.

I usually try to refrain from posts that are nothing more than links to other blogs' postings about things on other web sites, but I had to make an exception since this is something many of my visitors would never stumble across, on their own.

Over on The Recumbent Blog, Alan has posted a video clip from Fast Freddy Markham's recent record-breaking ride. As a participant in the Nissan One Hour Challenge, Markham pedaled his ultra-aerodynamic, fully-enclosed recumbent bike for an hour and covered 53.43 miles.

Considering that the chainring on this bike was the size of a serving platter, it probably took Markham a couple minutes to get up to full speed. If, by definition, he averaged 53.43 miles an hour, I just wonder how fast he was going at the time the video clip was shot.

12 September, 2006

The butterfly effect

I think we've established that I'm kind of an ornery, cynical cuss. This extends to my willful resistance to most television adverts, and I rarely remember the name of the company for even the ones I find amusing. I laugh out loud at the bankers' pen and the identity theft ads, but I have no idea whom they represent. I'm kind of over the talking gecko (Turtle's favorite), but the dorm-room-refrigerator-sized chocolate brownie with arms and legs cracks me up.

One recent exception to my advertising ennui is a Liberty Mutual ad that depicts various people performing small, random acts of kindness, which the recpients then pass on by performing their own random acts of kindness.



Every time it comes on, I have to stop what I'm doing and watch. It's such a positive message that I can't help but be affected by it. Do I believe that Liberty Mutual is more prone to "do the right thing" than any other insurance company? No. But I give full props to whatever agency came up with this pocket-size version of Pay It Forward.

I'm thinking I need to start off each morning by watching this, just to get me started on the right foot.

01 September, 2006

« Plus c'est la meme chose »

Tagged by Bret, I reveal all. As predicted, some answers are just as he posted them. I'm not going to make up something else just for the sake of being different.

1. Three things that scare me:
Motorists (both as a cyclist and a commuter)
The public education system
That I could die and only my wife would notice.

2. Three people that make me laugh:
Steven Wright
Douglas Adams
James Lileks

3. Three things I hate the most:
Hypocrisy
Arrogance
People holding cell phones to their ears while driving (get a headset!).

4. Three things I don't understand:
Religious fanatics with guns and high explosives
Federal income tax codes
The enduring popularity of reality TV

5. Three things I'm doing right now:
Sitting in my skivvies, looking for the two-month-old eyeglass prescription I need to have filled today
Reveling in the fact that I have all day to do all the things I have to do today
Wishing I had a Chick-fil-A® breakfast sandwich for breakfast

6. Three things I want to do before I die:
Ride my bike 100 miles in one day
See something I write or photograph published
Give my wife the landscaping she desires and deserves

7. Three things I can do:
Install a ceiling fan
Change a flat tire
Make people laugh (when they know that doing so is the only way to shut me up)

8. Three ways to describe my personality:
Cynical
Detail oriented
Verbose

9. Three things I can't do:
Draw/paint/sketch/doodle
Play a musical instrument
Tolerate incompetence

10. Three things I think you should listen to:
The teachings of Jesus Christ
The people who love you
The strange noise that the car just started making this morning

11. Three things you should never listen to:
People who shout
Claims made on television infomercials
The voice in your head that tells you that you'll never be as good as the next guy

12. Three things I'd like to learn:
Patience
How to read and write German
To belch the alphabet like Bret's son

13. Three favourite foods:
Pizza
A nice juicy cheeseburger with a crisp salad
Chick-fil-A® breakfast biscuit

14. Three beverages I drink regularly:
Diet Coke
Water
Beer

15. Three shows I watched as a kid:
Batman
Astro Boy
The Monkees

16. Three people I'm tagging (to do this):
Turtle, as if she needed something else to do
Tink, because she's bound to come up with something twisted that makes me laugh
Susie, because she carries a knife in her purse and may hurt me if I don't tag her

Crying Fowl

This morning, at the end of this week's obligatory commute to the office, I turned in to the driveway and was accosted by the biggest ho...