29 November, 2006

The big chill

I'm starting to see a pattern in my Blitzkriege* on Costco.

Regular readers (as opposed to those whose diets could use more fiber) may remember last month's encounter with the older gentleman wearing a viking helmet. This month, with another vacation day at my disposal, I once again girded my loins and ventured out for another unsupervised solo shopping run.

Thinking it might help me to avoid a few rafter gazers and hoping to minimise contact with the iPods and HD televisions, I decided to follow my usual path in reverse. I had loaded up on soft drinks, facial and toilet tissue, frozen meat, and a crate of lunch-size apple sauce cups by the time I arrived at the refrigerator room. I expected to find the packaged slabs of fresh and oh-so-sweet pineapple that Turtle and I loved. Instead, I nearly crashed into an elderly, white-haired wisp of a thing whose wheelchair was parked right in the middle of the cold room's narrow aisle. I apologised for nearly running her over, and as she turned to look at me I could see she was in some distress—just sort of shivering, like a Chihuahua on espresso.

Shivering, I say. In the refrigerator room at Costco.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" I asked.

"She said she'd be right back, but I'm cold," she said feebly. "Could you push me out of the freezer?"

I told her I'd be happy to, and asked if she needed me to get someone for her. She said no, that she'd be fine out where it was warmer; but as I headed on toward the beer and wine I kept looking around and wondering which of the hyper-active cell phone chattering women I saw was so self absorbed that she just left her mother (or grandmother) in the refrigerator and forgot about her. Very uncool.


* Technically, I suppose my sprints down the toilet paper and frozen chicken breast aisles are more angriffe than kriege, but who would recognize what I meant by Blitzangriffe?

[Cue crickets chirping. A lone tumbleweed blows aimlessly across the screen.]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

8 comments:

Bret said...

Hopefully my laughter at this post falls under the category of "...because otherwise I'd cry."

Because otherwise I'm twisted beyond belief. Probably that, anyway. I'm thinking you should have wheeled her out and announced, loudly, "Attention, Costco shoppers! I've got some fresh, frozen grandma here."

Don't worry. I'm pretty sure it's not contagious.

Jenn said...

Regardless of my sufficient fiber intake, your opening statement of loin-girding had me alarmed me to thinking you were going to Costco *as* the Viking helmet-clad fellow. Although I, personally, after finding frozen Grandma's shopping companions, would feel a good old-fashioned head lopping would be in order.

My German is a little rusty but should we now nickname you Bent Lightning?

Tink said...

I can imagine it now... A new holiday classic sung to the tune of "Grandma got runover by a Reindeer."

Only...

Grandma got left over in the freezer!

Seriously though... That is SO messed up!

Allez said...

You always have the strangest incedents when you're out and about!

Lou said...

I hope that when the daughter showed up that her mom ripped her a new one. I sure would have - or possibly tried to find one of the local constabularies that hang out in the store. Borderline abuse...

Foo said...

Bret: Fresh off the ice floe, so to speak.

Emma: No horned helmets for me, I'm afraid. But now that you say it, I do tend to feel like I'm "taking the beach" when ever I go for provisions. Maybe that's the entire point the old duffer in the Viking helmet was making...

Tink: Thanksgiving's over, darlin'. Just let it go. Care for a geriatricicle? (Dang... Bret is contagious.)

Allez: My life is generally pretty uneventful, actually. If it weren't for the occasional weirdness in Costco, I don't know what I'd find to blog about when bike rally season is over.

Probably just make snarky comments about Road Runner.

Susie: I'm glad you live in your world and not me. I don't think I'd have the constitution for it.

Lou: Sadly, the little old lady was so timid and frail, I don't imagine she was up to ripping anyone a new one. She probably kept her mouth shut, hoping her careless caregiver didn't drive away without her.

Anonymous said...

Foo may seem to lead an uneventful life, but not really. There is always something that happens almost each day that has to do with the quirky way he sees things. He says I live in a much too happy world, so I miss out on what he sees. The old woman in CostCo incident infuriated me. I would have ripped her daughter/caretaker had I been there. I would have put that cellphone where the sun doesn't shine! I just pray no one does that to me when I get that old. People are so self-centered.

Turtle gets down off her soap box to chill out outside in the cold.

Lou said...

Amen Turtle - You just keep on hopping on that soapbox...that's one thing I have always admired about you - your complete, no holes barred candor!

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