Sure enough, it came my turn, and as the Murano elbowed past to cut me off and brake hard to avoid hitting the car that was ahead of me, I noted with some smugness that the driver was as I had predicted: a crisply dressed Joe Cool with a flashy watch and a cell phone grafted to his left wrist.
Ommmm... The beer in my mind's
And then I saw it: stuck to the rear suspension of Joe Cool's Murano was a plastic shopping bag, flapping in the breeze like a length of toilet tissue trailing from a Bruno Magli dress loafer. Karmic balance was restored, and I laughed out loud, quite happy to trade a few feet of pavement for a tasty helping of irony.
Random misfire
I was out riding my Corsa (a.k.a., "the rolling lounge chair") after work, when I rounded a bend to see half a dozen barely-teen boys making their way down the center of the street. Two were walking; the other four were on two BMX bikes. One of them must have heard the buzz of my rear hub and turned to look."[incestuous offspring]!" he yelled to his buddies. "Look at this [canine son]!"
I blushingly admit that I cut quite a dashing figure in my black lycra shorts, Canari-yellow sleeveless jersey, and red headband flapping Rambo-esque from beneath the back of my helmet, but I'm reasonably convinced he was reacting to the bike.
"Catch up with him!" one of the boys yelled, and I could see in my helmet mirror that one of the bike riders had stood up and was pedaling like mad.
Rotsa ruck. I was doing 15 mph when I passed them and 20 by the time I heard one of them (faintly) yell "Holy [excrement]! Look at 'im go!"
Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.*
* Fairly blatant toilet-paper-on-a-shoe reference. Anyone?
10 comments:
What is "[incestuous offspring]!" and [canine son]!"?? I didn't know with what to fill in the blanks.
By the way, I thought of you yesterday while on my weekly jaunt to the Whole Foods store. There was one of those lounge bikes in the parking lot. That's the first time I'd seen one in "real life".
Anne: the fact that you can't fill in the blanks suggests one of two things. Either I've been a bit too clever/obtuse in my attempts to sanitize the Eddie Murphy expletives, or you're so naive/pure that you don't know the expletives the placeholders represent.
I think we're both best served to go with the latter. [chuckle]
So I guess the fact that I was able to "fill in the blanks" makes me less than pure. *sigh*
But nothing says "justice" quite like Mr. Cool's "toilet tissue" blowing in the breeze.
Not only was I able to fill in the blanks, I didn't even pause in my reading while I did so. *Sigh*
Great job smoking those little punks Foo!
Eric: You should come ride with Foo. Maybe he'll let ya draft off him.
I, wife of Foo, get the "cool bike" remark quite frequently as I tool through the local neighborhoods. It's the speed which I lack, hence the nickname. *sigh* Someday...maybe. Until then, I'll just keep on dreamin'.
Gwynne: It's one thing to know of the words and something else entirely to put them to regular use. As far as "justice", aside from my perhaps wishing aggressive drivers would sometimes get pulled over and cited for "improper lane change", the guy probably didn't deserve any more than anyone else.
But I will admit that I like it when people who put on airs expose a crack in their facades. Like the time this high society, diamond dripping, down her nose looking woman pushed right past me as I waited my turn to put my party's name on the list for a table. Just stepped right to the front like she was Someone Important and started talking to the hostess like the rest of us weren't there.
Not presuming to speak beyond my station, I didn't tell her that she had her elegant black dress tucked in the back of her pantyhose.
Tink: I actually didn't set out to smoke anyone. I was just out for a ride at my usual pace, but when I heard "catch up with him"... well, it was on,baby. I would have blown an aorta before that happened.
Eric: I didn't mean to suggest that the only comments I get are from foul-mouthed gangsta wanna-bes. I'm pleased to say that I saw the Gang of Six about ten minutes later, on their way out of the neighborhood. I'm pretty sure they were just passing through. Most of the comments I get are, as you say, from kids playing in front yards and typically along the lines of "Whoaaa... cool."
Although there was the one time when I passed a group of kids and got the usual positive reactions—except for one little girl, who sneered "you're lazy". I started to come back with something along the lines of "Say, didn't I drop your dad on the Collin Classic ride?", but I was laughing too hard.
Turtle: Eric draft off me? Now you've done it. If we ever do get the chance to ride together, he's going to tear my legs off, just to make a point.
Believe me: I know how that works.
WV: "exise". According to the Blue Collar Dictionary, it's what you get off the couch and walk to the fridge for a Bud.
By the way, the movie reference was The Breakfast Club. I'm actually rather surprised that one commenter in particular didn't catch it.
I don't see a reference to "The Breakfast Club". I love that movie by the way. All I ever see is the made-for-tv version.
Anne: At one point in the movie, Bender (Judd Nelson) asks principal "Dick" Vernon (played by Paul Gleason, who passed away in May of this year) if Barry Manilow knows he raids his closet. Vernon says, "I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns."
But it's understandable that no one caught the reference. I did a little research to refresh my memory, and it turns out I had it all wrong. Not only was there no toilet paper on Vernon's shoe—he had a toilet seat cover caught in his pants—but I think it actually came during the big chase scene through the halls.
I was watching clips from The Breakfast Club on YouTube.com this morning and am amazed that 30 years past my own teen years, I still can relate to that movie.
That was one of the greatest teen movies, I agree...I can still relate also. I once belonged to a "Breakfast Club" but we are all sworn to secrecy so I cannot discuss it any further than that. ;-)
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