Mental housecleaning

• Why do we say we're "losing our temper" when what we've actually lost is our patience. I typically know exactly where my temper is, and (to my chagrin) it's far too often on public display.
• Why is it that, when it comes to crossing a speed bump or pulling in to a parking garage, some of the prissiest people are the drivers of SUVs and pickup trucks? They creep over these smallish obstacles as if picking their way through a mine field. Ironically, the guys driving those ground-hugging riced-out street racers blast over the same obstacles without a second thought.
• I'm apparently heading into another of my spells where I can't get a decent night's sleep. Last night, I became desperate enough that I actually gave that beach visualization relaxation exercise another try. I managed not to step on any jellyfish or food packaging waste, and things were going along all right until I looked out to sea for the glowing orb.
  
  Fortunately, I spotted the tsunami in time to get to safer ground.
  
• A little something I swiped from The Gobhole Girl:

  Ten Top Trivia Tips about FooRider!

  1. FooRider will often rub up against people to lay his scent and mark his territory. It's a fair cop, but society's to blame.
     
  2. Banging your head against FooRider uses 150 calories an hour. But I wouldn't recommend it.
     
  3. FooRider cannot be detected by infrared cameras! 'Cause I'm such a cool guy.
     
  4. The most dangerous form of FooRider is the bicycle. I'm especially treacherous on wet pavement.
     
  5. In 1982 Time Magazine named FooRider its 'Man of the Year'. Only because everyone else was glued to the sofa watching MTV.
     
  6. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets FooRider. This is not common occurrence, fortunately.
     
  7. FooRider can't sweat. Untrue. Ask my wife (or anyone who's ever drafted off me).
     
  8. The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal FooRider. It's actually more likely they were keeping an eye out for seagulls.
     
  9. Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that FooRider is near! Seagulls... buzzards. Tomayto... tomahto.
     
  10. FooRider has only one weakness - the colour yellow! LiveStrong!
      

  I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem
• For a month now, we've been under watering restrictions due to the severe drought that's planted itself on Texas like a sumo wrestler's butt on a cafeteria chair. Which is to say "widespread and immovable".
  
  Once a week, on trash day, we're allowed to run our sprinklers for just long enough to keep our sickly yellowish-green lawns from spontaneously bursting into flame; and yet most mornings when I head out at the crack of dawn to embark upon my morning commute, the guy across the street has his system going full blast. The only theory I've been able to come up with to explain why the city hasn't come around and put a lock on his water meter is that he must have incriminating photographs of someone important at the North Texas Municipal Water District rubbing... elbows with Paris "The Ubiquitous Bimbo" Hilton.
  
  Or something.